What do I do with this pain?

I want to write something uplifting and encouraging.

I want to write something that inspires feelings of empowerment, pushing readers to seize the day, overcome obstacles, and WIN WIN WIN!

But, the truth is that today I am a sad and confused ball of emotion. And, while Iโ€™m usually an advocate for โ€œsitting with oneโ€™s feelings,โ€ I donโ€™t want to sit with these feelings.  In fact, everything in me wants to get undressed, put on my PJs, get into bed and just go to sleep.

But, itโ€™s 4:59 PM, dinner still has to be made and the kids still need Mom at 100%.

Iโ€™m not entirely sure what triggered it. All I know is that what started off as a pretty good day quickly soured and I couldnโ€™t put my finger on exactly why. 

Standing in the middle of my living room with my hands deep inside the pockets of my yoga pants, I looked up at the ceiling and said out loud, โ€œWhat do I do with this pain? I donโ€™t want to sit with these feelings. I donโ€™t want to process this. I want these feelings to go away.โ€

A little bit of prayer. A little bit of venting. A whole lot of refusing to cry.

This was my internal struggle. This was where I had to battle feelings of guilt and shame, rejection and abandonment, impostor syndrome and inadequacy. This was when I had to choose to fight or fold.

To be honest, I was tempted to fold. But, I knew I couldnโ€™t.

So, even though I did not want to, I sat with my feelings. 

Although painful, I allowed myself to feel. I acknowledged the emotions. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing. I felt my chest rise and fall. I heard the sounds of my inhales and exhales.

I wrapped my arms around myself and let the tears Iโ€™d been holding hostage flow and roll down my cheeks. I remained silent except for the sound of my breathing.

โ€œI am okay,โ€ I thought repeatedly until I began to believe it.

โ€œWhen are you happiest?โ€ Someone once asked me. โ€œWhen Iโ€™m writing,โ€ I replied.

So, in the midst of processing my feelings, I sat down to write this post. Pausing a few times to focus on the soft sounds of my breathing, I could feel the anxiety leaving with every cycle of breath and every stroke of the keyboard.

I was sad when I started writing this post. 

Now, I am filled with gratitude. 

There was a time when I would have just crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head until the next day. But, I have grown.

This is what I mean when I encourage others to choose resilience.

Sometimes resilience looks like sitting with your sadness, identifying what triggered it, โ€œfeeling all the feelsโ€ and then choosing to release them and move forward with the understanding that you may have to revisit the process again another day.

And thatโ€™s okay.


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Resilience Everyday

ResilienceEveryday.com is a mompreneur mental health and lifestyle blog. We regularly post about mental health awareness, parenting with a mental illness, special needs parenting, and the mompreneur lifestyle. CLICK HERE to join the mailing list today and never miss a post or the latest news on book launches, product releases, events, and more.

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6 responses to “What do I do with this pain?”

  1. Powerful, thank you for having the strength to share. I have a list of things to do when depression hits, simple things, go for a walk, read for an hour, but it does usually pull me back enough to at least cope.

    Liked by 1 person

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